The Bachelor: On the Wings of Unpaid Leave

Well we're packing our bags and heading off to the hometown dates! The final four, Tenley, Gia, Vienna and Ali are squealing to bring our Bachelor Jake home to meet the family. First stop is New York and Maxim Model Gia:

They go on a boat tour around the City and we're treated to their photo shoot (it'll give Gia something to look at while she cries after Jake sends her home, eh?) Also while on the boat, Gia tells Jake that one boyfriend cheated on her with all of her friends and her most recent ex didn't communicate and they fought a lot. Jake assures her that he doesn't resolve conflict that way and we're off to see her family. (Believe me, that part of the date was as boring as it sounds.) I'm not too worried though because I have a feeling they're going to rush us through the home towns to get to the supposed drama that happens after Jake is finished touring Boredom U.S.A.

Jake meets Gia's mom, stepfather, stepbrother and half brother. Gia tells us that her family has seen her with a broken heart and are protective of her. I can see how crappy their protection system is given Gia is now looking for love on TV, the one place she is sure to come away with heart intact. *eye roll* Gia's mom pulls Jake aside and it's time for some metaphorical butt kicking. She questions Jake as to whether or not he loves all four women and being the smart man that Jake is, he tells her MOM that he's falling for all four women. *face palm* But then wins her over with some muck and guck about how special Gia is. Meanwhile Gia is talking to her brother about her "wall" and how Jake "is different". Whatever. Then Gia's mom tells her that her gut feeling is that Jake will pick her.

Next up is Mean Girl Ali in Massachusetts. They spend time gushing all over each other and while I do not like Ali, they do have a certain chemistry. Too bad that...well, we'll get to that later. Anyway, after slobbering all over each other they make wishes on leaves.
Then Ali takes Jake to her dead Grandmother's house and they talk about that for a while. (By the way, it is the cutest house ever.) She tells him how she told her Grandmother about him hours before her (Grandmother's) death. The house seems pretty empty except for a picture of her Grandmother on the mantel. I can't decide whether that's creepy or not. Then Ali takes Jake to meet the living members of her family: her mom, sister and brother. Ali's mom is also tough so she takes Jake outside for a little butt kicking chat. But it's all pretty tame: family is important, I like Ali, blahblahblahblah. He ends up asking her mom for permission to propose. She says sure, why not! Her gut feeling is that Jake will pick Ali.

Anyway, on to Oregon and Sweet As Apple Pie Tenley. They walk in a park while she asks him how close he is to his parents. He tells her that he zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Then she takes him to a dance studio where she dances for him. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! And the answer to your question is yes, this is just as awkward as watching a guy sing to a girl. *shudder* But Jake loves it and says he is "melting into the chair". *barf* Not only that, she's dancing to that song that every bride uses to walk down the aisle. *double barf*

Anyway, Jake then meets Tenley's dad, mom and sister. But Jake is concerned as to whether or not Tenley is over her ex. No worries Jake my boy as Tenley comes from a family sweeter than she is and they all spend their time together crying and slopping sugar all over the place. And Jake asks her father permission to propose to Tenley. That's sure to not come back and haunt him later, right?

But now on to Florida...and Vienna (Sausages). Jake says he thinks Vienna is natural which is hilarious considering there is decidedly NOTHING natural about or on this girl. They go to meet Vienna's dad. Anyway, not much to tell here. They're protective, princess, kissy face, "falling for her", blahblahblah, "so real" yadayadayada.

So let's get to the good stuff because we have 40 minutes left in the episode and no way a rose ceremony takes up that much time. Back in LA they play a pop instrumental of "On the Wings of Love" (screw you ABC) when Jake gets a knock on his door and it's...

Ali!

Long story short: she tells Jake that she has to choose between staying on the show and going back to work. Uh...o-kay. That is sooooo last season. Last season of The Bachelorette to be exact as Ed did the same thing to Jillian. Ali asks for Jake's help in making the decision and he tells her to figure out which will be a bigger regret for her later. She says she doesn't know what she'll do but will let him know at the rose ceremony. (P.S.-Ali works for Facebook so they probably have some major project in Farmtown they need her on or something.)

So the girls show up and Ali decides to hit the road. Her and Jake have this pause filled stuttering 10 day long conversation that is DRIVING ME INSANE JUST GET TO THE FRIGGIN' POINT HOLY CRAP I AM SO BORED AND IT IS SO OBVIOUS YOU ARE JUST FISHING FOR HIM TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE THE ONE JUST GO BACK TO WORK OR YOUR CAFE WORLD HAMBURGERS WILL SPOIL ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ahem...please excuse that outburst.

Jake tells Ali that he feels like she's slipping through his fingers. Well duh Einstein, she is leaving you. Sorry Jake, Ali's 401k was bigger than her love for you. So no rose ceremony tonight as Jake only needed to get down to three girls and Ali did that for him. That's a mercy at least. How could so much drama be so darn BORING? And when did The Bachelor turn into "come and go as you darn well please" anyway?

Next week it's off to St. Lucia for the overnight dates, huzzah! So what are your thoughts on this week's episode full of drama and gut feelings?