Monday, February 8, 2010

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Unpaid Leave

Well we're packing our bags and heading off to the hometown dates! The final four, Tenley, Gia, Vienna and Ali are squealing to bring our Bachelor Jake home to meet the family. First stop is New York and Maxim Model Gia:

They go on a boat tour around the City and we're treated to their photo shoot (it'll give Gia something to look at while she cries after Jake sends her home, eh?) Also while on the boat, Gia tells Jake that one boyfriend cheated on her with all of her friends and her most recent ex didn't communicate and they fought a lot. Jake assures her that he doesn't resolve conflict that way and we're off to see her family. (Believe me, that part of the date was as boring as it sounds.) I'm not too worried though because I have a feeling they're going to rush us through the home towns to get to the supposed drama that happens after Jake is finished touring Boredom U.S.A.

Jake meets Gia's mom, stepfather, stepbrother and half brother. Gia tells us that her family has seen her with a broken heart and are protective of her. I can see how crappy their protection system is given Gia is now looking for love on TV, the one place she is sure to come away with heart intact. *eye roll* Gia's mom pulls Jake aside and it's time for some metaphorical butt kicking. She questions Jake as to whether or not he loves all four women and being the smart man that Jake is, he tells her MOM that he's falling for all four women. *face palm* But then wins her over with some muck and guck about how special Gia is. Meanwhile Gia is talking to her brother about her "wall" and how Jake "is different". Whatever. Then Gia's mom tells her that her gut feeling is that Jake will pick her.

Next up is Mean Girl Ali in Massachusetts. They spend time gushing all over each other and while I do not like Ali, they do have a certain chemistry. Too bad that...well, we'll get to that later. Anyway, after slobbering all over each other they make wishes on leaves.
Then Ali takes Jake to her dead Grandmother's house and they talk about that for a while. (By the way, it is the cutest house ever.) She tells him how she told her Grandmother about him hours before her (Grandmother's) death. The house seems pretty empty except for a picture of her Grandmother on the mantel. I can't decide whether that's creepy or not. Then Ali takes Jake to meet the living members of her family: her mom, sister and brother. Ali's mom is also tough so she takes Jake outside for a little butt kicking chat. But it's all pretty tame: family is important, I like Ali, blahblahblahblah. He ends up asking her mom for permission to propose. She says sure, why not! Her gut feeling is that Jake will pick Ali.

Anyway, on to Oregon and Sweet As Apple Pie Tenley. They walk in a park while she asks him how close he is to his parents. He tells her that he zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Then she takes him to a dance studio where she dances for him. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! And the answer to your question is yes, this is just as awkward as watching a guy sing to a girl. *shudder* But Jake loves it and says he is "melting into the chair". *barf* Not only that, she's dancing to that song that every bride uses to walk down the aisle. *double barf*

Anyway, Jake then meets Tenley's dad, mom and sister. But Jake is concerned as to whether or not Tenley is over her ex. No worries Jake my boy as Tenley comes from a family sweeter than she is and they all spend their time together crying and slopping sugar all over the place. And Jake asks her father permission to propose to Tenley. That's sure to not come back and haunt him later, right?

But now on to Florida...and Vienna (Sausages). Jake says he thinks Vienna is natural which is hilarious considering there is decidedly NOTHING natural about or on this girl. They go to meet Vienna's dad. Anyway, not much to tell here. They're protective, princess, kissy face, "falling for her", blahblahblah, "so real" yadayadayada.

So let's get to the good stuff because we have 40 minutes left in the episode and no way a rose ceremony takes up that much time. Back in LA they play a pop instrumental of "On the Wings of Love" (screw you ABC) when Jake gets a knock on his door and it's...


Long story short: she tells Jake that she has to choose between staying on the show and going back to work. Uh...o-kay. That is sooooo last season. Last season of The Bachelorette to be exact as Ed did the same thing to Jillian. Ali asks for Jake's help in making the decision and he tells her to figure out which will be a bigger regret for her later. She says she doesn't know what she'll do but will let him know at the rose ceremony. (P.S.-Ali works for Facebook so they probably have some major project in Farmtown they need her on or something.)


Ahem...please excuse that outburst.

Jake tells Ali that he feels like she's slipping through his fingers. Well duh Einstein, she is leaving you. Sorry Jake, Ali's 401k was bigger than her love for you. So no rose ceremony tonight as Jake only needed to get down to three girls and Ali did that for him. That's a mercy at least. How could so much drama be so darn BORING? And when did The Bachelor turn into "come and go as you darn well please" anyway?

Next week it's off to St. Lucia for the overnight dates, huzzah! So what are your thoughts on this week's episode full of drama and gut feelings?


Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

u make me wanna loveeeeeeeeeee this show!!! LOL! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Oh your recap and it's been on for a whole thirteen minutes here and already I'm nauseous.

Gia's mom is scaring the heck out of me...her voice is like she smokes 10 packs a day and her body language is screaming that she wants to come through my TV screen and kick my butt!

Gia says to her mom "Does he look at me like he care?" Puhleeeez! Then her mom tries to answer and Gia yells cut! huh? Then when her mom starts to answer her question again, Gia gives a big eye roll, then tears fill her eyes and that's it so far and I already need to barf.

As usual, great recap Maggi and that's enough for me, again your recap is way more entertaining...sorry ABC, this is the worst season EVER!

sPaRkLiNg sCrApBoOkS said...

Thank goodness I don't have your number cuz I would have speed dialed you right at Tenley's dance. I think my husband, son and I all yelled 'NOOOO' in unison. As much guts as that took, I had my hands over my eyes. I think I liked Jillian's 'Coyote Ugly' dance better, lmao! Jake probably did too considering he was looking right up her skirt! Yea, Ali was fishing- that was totally obvious, and Jake didn't try to stop her- so it's probably better for her to exit now. Ali works for Facebook?? How do you KNOW these things! You amaze me girl! Can't wait to see these overnighters- yawn. of course, no surprise Ali phones. I think Tanner P needs to be the Bachelor next! lol
At least his foot fetish is somewhat entertaining and amusing, I'm sick, I know! xOxO

Carmen said...

I can't understand the parents. Wouldn't you just let the dughter and maybe the film crew in (make them a nice cuppa so you don't look bad on camera) but then let the door swing shut in pretty boy's face? I would NOT be happy about any of mine doing something like that on tv. Uh uh. No sirree.

Maybe Ali needed to get back and sort out Bejewelled - it's constant crashing is eating into my addiction!

Carmen said...

Daughter even. Doh!

Jocelyn said...

Another Fabulous when Tenley started dancing I could not watch it....and that song she danced to...sounded just like a wedding march!!!! I feel like it is a repeat from last season.....Ali needs to go back to work.....and now she is calling him!!!!! Please get rid of Vienna....those eyes and bleached blonde hair hurt to look at!!!! Thanks Maggi and have a great day!!!

Bethany said...

I just can't get it together to figure out when this show is on. Every week I see your posts and I weep that I missed out watching this train wreck. She seriously danced for him? Wow, just wow.

I should DVR it next week. In the meantime thanks for keeping me up to date on this awesomeness.

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Good recap! Love the thought about it becoming "come and go as you please." Did you hear her on the phone on the promo for next week? She's going to try and pull an Ed. They ought to lay down the law and hopefully they won't bring her back. As sickeningly sweet as Tenley seems to be, I think she and Jake are probably the best match.

Bryanna Lenan said...

I don't watch the bachelor anymore... it bored me to tears about 100 seasons or so ago (confession I did get caught up with the drama with the cute little cheerleader girl... but have forgotten her name...) anyway...if I had known you were posting like this, I would have been watching just to hear your take. Completely entertaining... love it!! LOL!! xo

PS) who are you hoping ends up with Bachelor Boy?

Amanda said...

stopping by from SITS. I'm a sucker for Bachelor recap posts!

This whole thing was a freaking CLUSTER. I mean could it BE more obvious that Ali was just trying to get him to tell her that he loves her so she would feel confident that she would win? I feel like it was a play for attention in this game we call love. And she lost. I can't imagine that a company wouldn't know how long she might be gone and wouldn't let her stay for 2 more freaking weeks.

Also, Gia's brother was straight out of Jersey shore. I thought he would start fist pumping any second.

Also, Tenley has NO business being on a reality show since she's only a year out from the big D.

Don't you think St. Lucia is a little lame compared to some of their other dates? Like Spain and New Zealand? Budget cuts at the Bachelor!

Anonymous said...

It is no secret Ali has wanted to leave like the past 3 rose ceremonies because of Vienna... she just used the last week to make up a new fancy excuse. I am sure in the next week Facebook will come out with some kind of statement about how they had nothing to do with it...

We all know who he is going to pick so why not just fast forward to the finale!

Stoppin' by from SITS!

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch (Amanda Mac) said...

This weeks episode was a shit show. I think he actually had the best connection with Tenley's family followed by Gia's. Alis actual family interaction was cut short as was Viennas (both times they just show a lot of them kissing and no family interaction....isnt that the point of hometown dates?)

Also,did you notice that he picked up EVERY SINGLE GIRL upon seeing them in their hometown....barf. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and there has never been a run and jump into arms greeting.

and Vienna I was expecting would live in some mansion considering how spoiled she claims to be but the inside of her tiny house looked cluttered and trashy.

laterg8r said...

jake is dull as dirt, nothing they do makes him exciting! love that he asks all the parents if he can have their hand - ICK!

ali is coming back next week, boring drama to ensue! LOL :D

Anonymous said...

OMG your review was cracking me up!! And I totally agree, most boring episode EVER! And as far as next week, Ali calls him, duh. Like we didn't see that one coming. Whatever. Oh, and if they play on the wings of love one more time, pop, instrumental or some other stupid version, I may barf!

Angelica Bays, said...

Oh, GIRL! You slay me! aaaaaaaaahahahaaa!
Thanlk you so much for the umm, almost Reader's Digest version- I seriously can't stomach that show so your synopsis is both HILARIOUS and a great time saver!
-Angelica @ Tygrlilies

Faerie Moon Creations said...

Wonderfully funny recap, as always! Theresa :)

Sammy said...

Thanks for coming by to visit my blog today! I started looking around yours and this commentary sucked me in, I love it! I will def be lurkey around here for awhile! (in a non-creepy way of course)

Mod Podge Amy said...

Your recap is awesome! I watch the show and am coming by to visit to read your funny summary every Tuesday now. :D

Annie said...

I have to say I enjoy reading your recap more than I would ever enjoy watching this show. I am so not a bachelor fan at all. :)

But you are so funny!
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Acting Balanced Mom said...

stopping by from SITS - we don't have tv so I don't keep up with reality tv, but your commentary is great ... I can just picture it!

WhisperingWriter said...

Jake is such a drama whore. No wonder he's still single.

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest.

日月神教-向左使 said...