Not in the physical sense. Maybe the metaphysical sense is what I mean. I've always been a creature of no habit. I find a new craft or skill or object or whatever and obsess over it until I either A) master it or B) lose interest and move on to something else entirely.
And lately I've been "itchy" which is what I call it when I'm feeling discontent or just...stagnant. Now don't misunderstand me, I love my life: my marriage, my husband, my Toot. My discontentment is with something in myself, like feeling like a balloon with too much air and I have to let it out or I'll pop. The feeling like something is there I just have to find the right thing to get it out. I've started calling it my "Forrest Gump Feeling". As the title of this post suggests, this line from "Forrest Gump" comes to me whenever I'm feeling this way.
In the scene, his mother is dying and Forrest asks her, "What's my destiny Mama?" This scene has always struck me and that line reverberates in my head when I get that feeling. Being in my thirties you would think that I should have this all figured out, eh? But as Homer Simpson has said, "I'm a candy wrapper caught in an updraft!" and I'm dying to break out of this whatever that seems to be holding me back.
I mean mainly creatively. I feel like there's more to me and what my abilities are, know what I mean? I have to apologize at this point because I'm "typing out loud" as it were and I think this may be the most disjointed post I've ever written. lol I hope I'm not coming across as a whiny depressed lunatic. I'm not saying any of these things in a depressed frame of mind but rather a wondering, excited one. What is my destiny anyway? A part from the Wife, Mother, Lover roles (which I adore!) where am I headed in terms of my creativity? I bounce from one thing to another never really resting like a butterfly on flowers.
So anyway, I'm in thinking/planning/listing mode at the moment. lol I try to keep this blog as fun, cheery and non serious as possible because quite frankly I realize that a lot of my dearest readers come here for frivolity not presidential addresses but I must (at least in print) get out what I've been thinking lately before it drives me nuts.
Have you ever felt this way? About anything? Like something's coming, something's right there, you just have to grab it?
You know, when I was a kid I watched "West Side Story" with Natalie Wood and my entire world was rocked. I knew every line, every song, every dance and to this day I cry like a baby at the end. There's one song in particular that still rings in my head and is very applicable to my current state of mind. Feel free to play it if you wish and thank you so much for "listening" to me.
And don't worry...I'll get it figured out! And if anyone has been here before...HELP! lol :D